Back to Blogging February 16, 2010

I am going to try to start blogging alot more again. So make sure you keep coming back to stay updated on our life, and random bits of knowledge I may drop now and then!! I figured I should start and update since the last time I blogged.

Home Situation:

Where do I start last time I updated you, Mandolin was 4 months old, now she is 18 months old. Our life has been pretty exciting over the past 14 months! We moved to Centralia in November of 2009. We LOVE it there. It is so nice to be in the same town as my family. I love having our own house a fresh start for us all. We got a rediculous deal on this house, it was a foreclosure that hadn’t been trashed or anything, it was an older lady who just left and so we just had to paint(actually the Becker small group did it!) and clean(they did that too!) and it was ready to be our home. Side note, I wasn’t doing real well last fall dealing with major depression, in and out of the hospital, and the Becker small group from our church volunteered to come in and get our house ready, it was an aboslute gift from God. Those people were a blessing far beyond what they could ever imagine!

The Girls:

Faith is now 9 years old, going on 15. She has grown into such a beautiful young lady, with a personality to boot! She is going to be a heart-breaker! She has a kind, sweet, strong spirit, and is really starting to discover who she is. She loves with all her heart, cares about others, and has a heart for Christ. She loves to do what’s right, loves to please us (that should end soon right?) and adores her Grandparents! We have really bonded over the past few years and have grown a love for one another that is really feeling natural. She is what I like to think of as my “bonus” child, not step-child, she was definately a bonus that I got when I married Bobby. I can’t imagine my life without her. She is really starting to explore her sense of humor too, starting to get sarchasim, and return it. She got all A’s on her report card, and to which she responded when she was praised, they weren’t A+’s! She strives to do her best in everything. I thank God so much for her. As I tell her, she will always be my first baby girl.

Mandolin-Where do I start?! Talk about your little personality. She is beautiful, sweet, sensitive, funny, hard headed(she must get that from her dad , silly, loves to make people laugh, and LOVES ATTENTION! She has really grown into a toddler over the past few months, putting words together such as it’s cold, me too! She knows she wears her coat out and when we are getting ready to leave she says coat and will go to the coat closet to grab it! She loves her Nanny Debbie, Papa Tony,Mama Kitty, and Papa Fred so much! She loves to be out and about and loves to eat lunch at nanny and papas, so we go around 11 am, so usually around 1030 she is getting me my shoes and coat to go bye bye! She is a great sleeper and now when you ask if she is ready for bed she says yeah or K! She really has grown alot, more than I could have ever imagined! She lights up my life, and makes me feel a way that I never knew possible. She is everything I dreamed she would be, and so much more!

Married Life

We have almost been married 3 years now. I think I am even more in love with him than I was when we got married. I can say this with all honesty, nothing fake about it, we were made for each other. We get through struggles together, we cry together, we laugh together, and we grow together. He truely is everything I have prayed for. I am so thankful for his quiet strength. I know that may sound sickening, but it is so true. We love each other without fail, that is God, not us as humans, we were truely put together by God, and he has blessed our marriage so much.

Health

Well, we went through a rough patch, I don’t know what happened but my brain started misfiring right before Mandolin’s first Birthday and threw me and the whole family for a loop. I went through this “hell” for about 4 months, waking up everyday having no idea how I was going to feel or react. Not being able to control my emotions or my thoughts. Getting all of my responsibilities stripped away from me because I simply couldn’t even hardly take a bath or get dressed. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, watching my girls and not feeling that love that I feel, seeing my husband and knowing how excited I was to see him and not being able to pass that message to the rest of my body and mind to have the proper response on the outside, I would have visitors that I couldn’t be more happy to see and simply couldn’t even smile. It was truely something chemically wrong in my body. I was admitted to the hospital to a psych unit a little south of Mount Vernon, after that I was admitted to Centralia Psych unit, stayed for a while, left, and then a couple weeks later was then re-admitted for cutting myself, not long after that I took 22 of my sleeping medication in a suicide attempt, they were able to detox my body from all the harmful chemicals and sent me on my way. After being on 4 antidepresants a couple anti-anxiety medications and everytime we would call my psychiatrist they would double something, I was way overmedicated. I would almost go days without talking, which if you know me at all you know that is WAY out of character! We finally got our blessing in November after being referred to a Doctor in Florida by my cousins Resa and Richie Neff. I went to Dr. Sponaugle and got put on the proper medication after they studied my blood work, and went home a different woman. God is funny ya know, he works in crazy ways, he was with me that whole time, he loved me and held me during times when I thought I was going to die. I felt his holy spirit so much, I had to draw close to him because he is the great comforter. He is my God, he is my strength, he is my life. Without Christ I am afraid I would be dead. God is using this Christian mand Dr. Sponaugle to work miracles. I am so thankful for the family that we had that at the drop of a hat would loan us the money to head to Florida on what seemed at the time as a wild goose change. For those of you who think depression is something you can just get over, most of the time it isn’t and I have the blood work to prove it! A side note, I want to thank Bobby and my parents for being my strong hold during my sickness, for being there, for being strong and for loving me reguardless of how I was acting. I thank everyone for their prayers, cards and support. Those cards meant more to me than you will ever know. For those of you who visited me in the hospital you will never know what that meant to me. As for my depression, we are still getting all my medications figured out, but I am so much better than I was a few months ago. I am able to love my girls and take care of them, love my husband and be with him and talk(he may want that part to go back to the way it was hehe!), be with my parents and laugh! God is so amazing, and so powerful, even when I hit bumps in the road now, as a human it is hard to understand what he is doing, but he knows, and after all, our life is like a snap of the fingers compared to the time we get to spend with our creator!

Well, I think that about covers it all. Sorry if I brought you down with the last one, I just wanted everyone to know from my point of view what had happened. Nugget of wisdom, God has a reason for everything that happens, God is in control, and God knows WAY more than you ever think you do!:) Thanks for reading and I will be updating a lot more so stay tuned!!!

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